The bisexuality dating dilemma

Sep 24, 2019 by

Bisexual Visibility Day has been celebrated on 23 September for the last 20 years.

However, at a time of seemingly wider LGBT acceptance, is society actually accepting of the “B”?

Some people who identify as bisexual have told the BBC of issues they regularly come across when trying to live openly as bisexual individuals.

They have experienced abusive relationships, disrespect in the workplace, and discrimination on dating apps just because of their sexuality.

The Trades Union Congress has released a report highlighting that about one in five bisexual people (21%) reported they had been sexually assaulted at work.

‘It scares me how people will react’

Matt is a graduate trainee living in Cambridge. He has struggled to maintain relationships with both men and women, and says he now has to lie about his sexuality in order to date people.

“It scares me how people will react,” he says. “It feels like I have a dark secret that I haven’t aired fully.

“One girl I was dating suddenly said that the thought of me being with a man made her physically sick. Then she blocked me on everything.

“When I date people, and mention I’m bisexual, the relationship ends. When I lie to people, and hide my sexuality, it lasts. I still don’t know whether I should reveal it from the start, or wait, because the longer I wait the more anxious I get, but I don’t want any relationship to end.”

“I feel like if I end up in a straight relationship, I’ll look like I was just experimenting all these years, but if I end up in a gay relationship people will say I was never actually bisexual. Then if I don’t have a monogamous relationship people will say I’m just greedy.”

Nichi Hodgson is a writer who lives in London. She says she came out “late” as bisexual at 26, and had trouble exploring who she was because of society’s pressures to be either gay or straight.

“It’s a wild ride because of people’s misconceptions,” she says. “People still can’t get their heads around bisexuality.

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