by Archbishop Cranmer:
When the Times revealed on Monday that the Archbishop of Canterbury was “in talks” to chair a ‘Citizens’ Assembly’ in order to avert a ‘no deal’ Brexit (that is, a clean, global Brexit on WTO terms), the tremors in Downing Street were felt in Blackpool. They tried to blame fracking, but those who had ears knew very well it was Boris Johnson stomping around No.10 in a fit of blind rage. “Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?” he screamed at his CofE linkman SpAd Jonathan Hellewell.
There was a pause.
“It is better expressed as ‘troublesome’ or ‘meddlesome’ priest, Prime Minister,” Mr Hellewell responded, hoping to mollify the classicist PM with a nugget of historical trivia. He advised the Prime Minister to take deep breaths and reflect upon his recent success at the G7 summit in Biarritz, especially his breakfast with US President Donald Trump which, by all accounts, went swimmingly; and his vindication in porky-pie-gate.
But news of the Archbishop’s intervention in the countdown to Brexit didn’t go down very well at all with 52% of the country. Lambeth Palace had neither confirmed nor denied the Times‘ story, which simply added to the suspicion and mutterings of discontent. The Church of England’s ‘Daily Digest’ was indigestible: